Claiming My Voice: From the darkness, the light emerges.

I remember the first time someone suggested I stop doing and just be. It sounded so profound. What if I stopped trying to work harder? What if I stopped trying to make sure people liked me? What if I stopped being so productive in my life…not just at work but at home? It came at a time in my life when I’m pretty sure my son was transitioning into being more independent and didn’t need me so much, my job was pretty stable, and its likely I was complaining about how I didn’t know how to slow down; that I didn’t know what to do with down time and felt guilty when I wasn’t being productive. So this very loving friend of my had recently read some new age book and, in her best guru voice, said “Maybe its time to stop ‘doing’ and just ‘be’”. And I was blown away at the thought that I could give myself permission to not be productive. What would it be like to not have a To Do list even on the weekend and then not beat myself up if I didn’t check of whatever that weekend’s me was OK with to feel was enough? Sure it was a relief. I had been a perfectionist or perfectionist adjacent most of my life. Even when I was drinking and using drugs, I still had a set of standards I held myself to (and knew you all did too) and exhausted myself trying to meet them.

It was many years later that I learned how to meditate. Let me be clear on what I mean by meditate. I don’t mean sitting in lotus pose chanting “OM” and forcing my mind to go blank. I also don’t not mean that. To me meditation means many different things depending on the day and the need. In short, meditation for me is not so much about what I do but the result I am looking for and let’s, for ease of this conversation, say it is my attempt to “be”. It is me in some pose or another, doing or not doing something that allows me to not be productive while allowing me to feel connected and calm. As I write this I realize that that might even seem productive to some but it isn’t to me. So now I know how to allow myself to just “be” and yes, it feels wonderful.

But here’s the thing (and I know I have read it elsewhere so this is not an original thought although I can’t remember where I read it so my apologies for not being able to sight my sources :), we cannot all just sit around “being” all the time. Every time I hear some guru say “Stop doing and just be” its always said so black and white. Its just not that simple. I need to DO some stuff because I want to live in this society. So for now I need to work to pay the bills that allows me to hold up my end of this societal bargain. Heck, even if I didn’t want to be part of this society and wanted to move out into the wilderness, I would still need to hunt and/or forage to sustain this life form. That is “doing”. I couldn’t just sit around “being” all day.

It’s a beautiful, romantic idea to “be”. I think we would all be a lot happier if we would “be” more often. But let’s stop talking about “being” vs “doing” as if they are mutually exclusive because they aren’t. We each need to find the balance place that makes us the most happy. Today I went for a little walk in the woods. It is one of my favorite “being” places. Then I went and bought pet food and new wiper blades. Some “doing” things that needed done. It’s now noon. I wonder what the rest of the day holds.

PS: The title of this was totally stolen from my friend Elaine who always encouraged me to balance these.